THE BATTLE OF LOVE AND HATE

By: Khushie Mallya

The contrasts faced in life truly have the potential to amaze us. For example, love, that strongest emotion one can experience, however, at the same time it can be one’s greatest weakness. Life can be extremely simple and easy-going, but, it can get really hard at times as well.

In our daily living, we all go through various stages of growth and development. We begin at birth, moving on to becoming a toddler, then a pre-adolescent, an adolescent, and so on. The stages moving from being a toddler to a pre-adolescent are the most vital stages of development. These are the years that mold our character to a larger extent, with our main influencers being our parents, the family we live with, and our school teachers. These are the basic people through whom children formulate their perspective of life. These formative years, potentially hold the development of a major part of our lifetime.

Speaking of contrasts in life, the first-ever major confusion a child faces is during their teenage years. One reason for this is simply the hormonal changes we all go through. Hormonal changes that deeply impact one’s self-perception, state of mind, and self-consciousness, which could easily develop into self-doubt. The ‘Teenage Syndrome’ has hence been a confusing stage for both, the child, and the parents.

Regardless of these changes and confusions in life, we are all bound to grow up someday, build our own life, and develop our own opinions. Even so, one thing that doesn’t change, is the fact that people change people. our thoughts, our perceptions, and the way we see the world are directly impacted by our past, and the people we choose to be around in our present.

Children at a tender age are too young to understand the unexpected twists and turns that life may push at you. One of the most sensitive situations could be disharmony at home, particularly if it leads to the separation of parents. This, if handled well, can highly cushion the negative impact on the child’s life.

Sadly, most of the time, this doesn’t happen, hence the child gets traumatized and isn’t prepared to accept that the two prompt pillars of their life will no longer remain together. This, coupled up with the hormonal changes can be too harsh on a tender, developing mind which can have alarming repercussions on the child.

Most times, parents don’t realize that through any conflict, all the child needs is simple and open communication. They want to be kept in the loop and feel important enough to be involved in family matters.

As a child going through parental divorce, there are multiple stages you go through… usually beginning with confusion, as to what is truly happening. The confusion leads to self-blame. Am I the reason they’re breaking up? Am I not a good child? Did I cause this? And after all the tears are shed, and all the self-doubt is out of your system… which, trust me, takes a long time, after everything, comes the stage of acceptance.

Within the battle of love and hate between the husband and the wife, within every argument, every resolution that is happening, every decision that is being made, it is important to communicate through your differences.

But for the child in question; the child who is living the experience of their parents’ love-hate relationship, never has no idea on what is going on… here’s what I’d like to say.

 

Hey! It’s all going to be okay. They’re fighting right now. They will stop fighting soon. I know it’s hard right now, but here’s what I need you to keep in mind:

Our parents are humans too. They are allowed to live their own lives and make their own mistakes too. When our parents can accept us with a smile and open arms for who we are, if our parents can love us unconditionally, no matter how much we hurt them, no matter how many mistakes we make, if our parents can always be there as our pillar to support us no matter what, regardless of whether they’re together or not; why can’t we, as their children, accept minor differences here and there, and let them make a decision to support their happiness?

I promise you, it is all going to be okay! Just give your parents some time, and approach the situation with compassion and understanding. You be the adult here. And trust me… it’s not your fault! They love you deeply.